But man, when it rains it pours. I've been having a really tough time this month for a myriad of reasons; I can't seem to get any great interviews for jobs, I can't seem to get any call backs either, and even if I did, my phone's busted now so there's really no point. Also, Mother got a job at a place I've been calling for weeks which puts her at two jobs to my 0. Embarrassing? Entirely. Depressing? You have no idea...
I think the wet phone was the final straw. I mean, I'm a year off of teenager-dom so this might sound a bit dramatic, but my phone is literally a third of my life (the others are internet and music of course :) ). The four people I love most in the world contact me on that phone on a daily or weekly basis. Those are the people that encourage and uplift me in my funk to see that all it takes is a little more hard work. Potential employers could be trying to call me at this very moment, though given my current history I doubt it.
I had a job interview yesterday that I didn't tell Mother about. I feel like when I tell her she just rolls her eyes and does that "mmhm" that means "yep, whatever." Again, this may just be what I hear in my head, but I always think that she doesn't have much faith in me, so I try not to tell her these things until/unless I get the job. I took the bus, changed into professional clothes (and hair) in the restroom and then proceeded to wait twenty minutes to be interviewed with five or six other people. Their resumes were extensive; all I had was a two page long diddy about the two jobs I managed to work and my recommendations from them as well as a few teachers. I got the sympathetic smile and the "we'll let you know." I don't think I got it.
Later this same day, my phone slipped into a sink full of water and Listerine where I was soaking my retainers. While I was in the shower. For about twenty minutes. It turns on still after a night in rice, but nothing else. How am I going to afford a new phone? I'm basically a squatter as it is right now, and I hate having to ask my parents for money. I'm old enough to vote for heaven's sake and I can't even...*sigh*
Even though I want to really give up right now, I'm reminded of something George said to me the other day. He said that he hates when I don't reach my full potential and when I don't think I'm good enough, because he knows I'm good enough. He told me that moments like right now, when I feel like just lying face down and waiting for the Rapture, are when I should kick into a higher gear and put all my faith in God and myself. The man is a little looney sometimes, but I can't help but thinking he's right this time.
So what I'm going to do is register for the fall semester at my school, fix my face, and find solutions where I can. If I give up, then everything is going to pile on, but if I fight this drowning feeling, most likely I'll learn to swim. I like those odds.
Sometimes I forget that just because things seem bad now it doesn't mean they always will. With determination, hope, and a little faith, I think I can power through all this and finally find my track in life. Wish me luck :)
Seeing the light <3