Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Some Things Just Pass You By

My best friend George has known me a year (and some change). In my mind I'm thinking, "It hasn't been that long," and in his mind he's thinking "Wow, you really don't remember?" So, a year ago today I officially met George. That means a year (and some change) and two weeks ago was the day I first saw him and consequently became a blubbering, bashful idiot.

I had just met W a few classes before and as she and I were walking out this really tall, lanky kind of dude goes by totally unassuming. Except he was smiling and wow-y wowzers. I was struck. Didn't know his name. Didn't know anything about him. I did however know his friend and was going to use him to get an in. Got totally side-tracked. By the time I came around to feeling comfortable enough in his presence to speak, he basically told me he and I weren't going down that way. I was so relieved; I wasn't ready. Here's this guy that's literally everything I never knew I wanted sitting across from me being all understanding and sh*t. And here I was, this short, insecure girl faced with either putting up or shutting up. I shut up. And I regret it almost every time I talk to him.

After being shipped going back to Texas, he actually got with W. It broke my heart. I didn't tell her that though; I wanted her to find happiness as she hadn't had a lucky streak with guys back then and George was a great guy. So their relationship is going and one day, he calls me. Consequently, they broke up (to this day I'm not sure if that was my fault or not, as I wasn't doing anything technically off-hand) and I've maintained great friendships with the both of them. Hell, W is still trying to convince me to go for it, which makes me feel kind of skanky.

There are times though when I'm talking to him and he puts his mannish voice on and that bashful, insecure girl comes out of nowhere and blind-sides me with this feeling of  "How could you not be in love with him?" or my other favorite "You were so dumb to let him pass by."

I'm learning though, that to love someone you don't have to necessarily be in love with them even if they are amazing and have you writing the best love poems you've written in your life; to love them is to care about them to the same caliber you'd care for yourself. That doesn't mean anything fancy like, just means you're always there for them. I'm also learning, sometimes, things you were looking for pass you by, and you have to learn to deal somehow. I haven't learned yet how to deal, but I'm always open for suggestions.

Sharing the love and dropping the knowledge. <3


Squeak Williams said...

FIRST...of all let me say that LOVE ULTRA IS MY JAM!!

Now, yeah i've been in this situation where I met a chick who i thought was amazing, and so did my boy, so like Theo on the Cosby show when Him and Cockroach were tryna decide who was gon get on the dance show, I was like:

Me: Go head dog, I know u like her, and I don't wanna block.

Him: Nah, bruh. you go head, you met her first.

Me: Nah man, you my dude tho, and I think you should holla. I'll be cool.

Him: Nah man, i don't wanna encroach.

Me: Bruh, go head man, we boys for life. Brothers from another mother.

Him: OK. [calls and hooks up with her]

Me: 0_0.

So yeah, I know wht that feels like.

Tes said...

You're the first person I know who's known this song before meeting me ^_^.

How did you manage to get over being "cockroached?" Admittedly, there wasn't anything I could've done to prevent them from dating, but I could've stopped myself from falling in love with the dude...right? o.O

Squeak Williams said...

I didn't get over it, not immediately. I was pissed cuz i felt I coulda been good with her and set myself up to be a third wheel. Not only that but they would want me to hang with them all the time, and she would try to hook me up with friends of hers who were not her. It was sad.

I had to ride it out. Funny thing was, I made myself stop liking her. He was my best friend so I couldn't let that ruin the friendship. I went and found me someone and gave them distance. It helped, but whenever they would have problems and I was the listening ear, it came back.

Funny thing is, a while after that, like after high school, she told me that she always thought that I would be the one to talk to her. She said she figured it would be me and her, til he entered the picture. I laughed it off, but was like "DAMN!" This prolly dont help much, lol, but its the truth. Ultimately it was my fault for not moving on it. Sometimes you gotta look out for yourself and your happiness. But since that moment has passed, you just be the best friend you can to them both and if your feelings start to interfere you gotta put some space between yall. This aint the movies, people don't just concede on some, "wow i didn't konw you were in love with him, go get em Tiger."

Squeak Williams said...

BTW, I'm a HUGE dwele fan. I even got a mixtape of some of his unmxed unreleased stuff, that Love Ultra came from. I heard it before the Sketches album. Just like he performed My People on VH1 Unplugged before he put it on the WWW album.