Sunday, October 17, 2010

Don't Complain About the Fish If Your Bait Ain't No Good

I ran across a Facebook status today, not unlike all the others I come across, saying the usual "Men ain't sh*t", "Women confuse the hell out of me" and the like. Then I realized, maybe nobody ever told folks the straight up and up on relationships. Maybe they just didn't understand it. Trust me, I've had many a person say some "Tes, that's deep" and not know what it was I said. I'm gonna lay down some knowledge, if I may...
To the ladies: Men treat you the way you let yourself be treated. If you ever wonder why a man disrespects you and acts like it's nothing, consider the fact that you may act like it's nothing. How's he going to know not to treat you like some h*e on the street if you keep letting him? The answer is, he won't. Speak up. Don't let it pass and pass until one day you pull an Al Green on him and leave him wondering what the hell just happened. Something as simple as "I don't appreciate that, don't do it anymore," could solve the problem. Just let it be known. And if he violates that boundary, leave him. Disrespect is only a few steps down from the relationship "Hell no's" we as women have been told to avoid since the beginning of time. Keep in mind that this dude who doesn't respect you is taking up the space of the next man who just might.
To the gentleman: Let chivalry live. I know in the age of independent women some women may not want you to pull out their chairs or open their doors. If you were raised that way, respectfully tell them so and continue to do you. As much as some women protest, a lot of women actually complain about that very thing. Plus, nobody likes a push over. If a woman kept changing because you told her to, a few years into it you'd be bored (I hope?). You'd want an individual. Someone with her own mind. Treat chivalry like that. Nice guys don't always finish last, but when they do, it's because they realize the "prize" they were fighting for wasn't worth all their devotion, or they found something better.
Also ya'll, keep in mind nobody likes a boring, needy person. If your life's purpose is finding a spouse and having them complete you, most people will either be terrified or turned off.  Find out who you are first before trying to be something or someone to anybody else. Be interested in things other than what that person is interested in. Be interesting in your own right. Be interesting for yourself. Nobody wants someone who doesn't seem to even want themselves.
Finally (and most important might I add), remember your bait for the fish you're trying to catch. If you want someone who's healthy, has a nice body, a few degrees and in a Fortune 500 company, do that for yourself first. Expecting all that from somebody who's supposed to be interested in you and not expecting those same standards for yourself is setting you up for the big let down. Don't be afraid to be an attractive person, not just physically but personality wise as well. Nobody likes a brotha/sista with an attitude for no reason. It's okay to smile. It's okay to be polite. You attract what you put out, or as Nana used to remind me "Don't complain about the fish if your bait ain't no good."

Thursday, October 7, 2010

You've Been Dating 4 Days: It's Not Love, It's Newness

Call me a killjoy, but I was over high school before middle school was even half way through. Everyone was pretending to be grown up, doing and saying grown up things without being prepared for consequences or really knowing what they were doing would really mean to them later on in life. With that said I was a late bloomer and I didn't have my first "boyfriend" until freshman year of college.
He lasted six days. He was insecure about my friends and what they were doing and what they thought of him more so than what I was doing and what I thought of him. Truth be told, we had nothing in common. He liked me, I liked that he liked me, so I went along with it. And on the fourth day, he said it. Yes, it. And I mentally wretched.
I didn't love him back. How could I? I didn't even know him. We were dating. In my mind dating is getting to know someone, letting them get to know you, and eventually seeing where the chips fall in the end. Dating is not clinging desperately to a person when you're lonely in hopes that they love you. Before you think it, no I'm not an anti-romantic, quite the contrary. If a man can come to me, make me smile and want to be in his presence consistently, I'll be the mushiest romantic the world has ever seen. As it stands though, "Hey shawty" and "Pssst!" don't constitute either of those. Call me rigid, but if you can't treat me like a lady and not some random street walker, I'd say we have next to nothing in common and you get no play.
Back to the subject at hand. Four days and it was love for him. By day five I knew it wasn't going to work out. I spent the night pondering, thinking, wading through my emotions. By day six I told him I didn't think it was going to work out. Day seven he was on my phone wanting me back, but that's a different blog for a different day.
What I mean to say is, love happens on it's own time. No amount of rushing, wanting, praying, fasting, nor sacrifice will bring it to you when you want it. There is nothing more annoying than that associate who's in love after three days of knowing the person and a McDouble.
I wanted to say to him "Say bruh, it's been four days. Pump your brakes." Instead, I let him think it was his idea to break up and let it happen the way it happened. I didn't want to hurt his feelings and tell him in addition to his clinginess, he was possibly the worse kisser ever, but that's also another blog for another time.
I guess what I'm saying is, stop all the madness. Let it happen on its own. A watched pot never boils. Being infatuated with something new, and being in love are rarely if ever the same thing. What do you think? Does newness cloud the judgement of people, or is it actually a love jones going on? Think on it, and get back to me.