I think it's weird that I never have anything to say on my birthday. I truly just spend the day being thankful for being where I am and thanking people for their birthday wishes, but this year seems so different.
For starters, I was excited. Although it snuck up on me like it always does, when I realized it was coming, instead of the "Oh, shit," feeling I typically get, I got a real happy, giddy feeling. I don't have anything special planned, just dinner with my Mom, and I don't plan on getting a whole lot of gifts, but I just finally feel different.
I feel like all of my birthdays I was waiting to feel my age, or waiting to feel some way about it one way or another really. That's not to say I feel my age now (I always feel older) but I feel like I'm finally a person. For a lot of my growing years I felt like an idea, something that was supposed to be happening, maybe, but just...wasn't. I feel now that I'm actualized. I'm living, and breathing and functioning to the best of my ability and I'm proud of that. I understand that a lot of people don't get to feel that way about themselves, or don't feel that way because they feel like they can't be proud of the little things.
I am proud of the little things. I've maintained a job for two years. I've lived on my own for about four months and haven't ruined or wrecked anything. I'm paying off all my small debts. I'm healthy. And most important, more often than not, I'm just happy to be.
I won't deny it was a hard year for me, what with my break up and the stresses of moving, but I feel like with those hardships I got to find out who I really was, and what I was really made of. Getting through those two things was like breaking a glass ceiling that I didn't know was so thick until I got to the other side. Sure, I'm a little cut up, but no worse for wear. In fact, I may even be better than when I started.
So, for this birthday, more than the others, I may not do a whole lot of moving and shaking, but I will revel in the pride I feel and the joy. Bask in the well wishes, and look towards the ever-brighter future.