Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Musing (4)

Beauty is defined as something that gives pleasures to the senses or is an exemplary example of it’s kind. I’ve been thinking a lot about beauty since that stranger told me I was beautiful; I wonder what it is that makes some people’s beauty so easy to distinguish and other’s so easy to extinguish.

 I was never the beautiful girl. High school was just me giving into feeling below average in baggy jeans and over-sized hoodies. I had braces, bad acne and even worse acne scars which I still have to this day, they just get fainter and fainter as time goes on. I wasn’t, however, a quiet girl. Very opinionated, and very head-strong, I would never back down from a debate, and would frequently tell people to move when they saw me coming. I was a plain-looking firecracker.

Now that the high school stage is over for the most part, I feel myself growing into this new person. I always felt I had to speak up to be seen and be cheeky to be noticed. However, now I find that my words and voice can be soft as long as what I say has meaning and has merit to me. There are days I don’t speak at all as sometimes there’s nothing to say or no need to say it. This person I’m becoming isn’t necessarily more muted, but rather cultivated by time and knowledge, joys and pains, to be a perfect amalgamation of what and who I was.

My friends always describe me as a pretty girl with an ugly girl complex. What they mean is that I look pretty, sometimes even gorgeous, but in my mind I’m seeing something different. I see fat, I see scars, I see stretch marks, and any compliment I get I deflect on the basis that “They’re just being polite.” Over time, and a lot of pep-talks, I’ve learned to look at myself as what I am, not what I was or want to be. What I am, actually, is quite beautiful, in a Russian doll sort of way. What I mean is, the bigger part of me is ornate and vivid, but the deeper you get, the smaller the pieces of me are, and the more intimate and personal, and ultimately stunning, they become until you’re left with my soul, which is the most beautiful of all.

How do you describe beauty? Is it something you can see or touch, or is it just a feeling that makes you think “wow, that’s beautiful?” Why do you think it takes so long to acknowledge what’s good in ourselves, especially when it seems so easy for most of us to acknowledge it in others?

Spreading love
Dropping Knowledge
Finding the beauty <3


Lina said...

I think there are two kinds of beauty - the kind you see and the kind you feel. People with beautiful souls make you want to be/do better, not because of envy but inspiration.

Slightly random, but how do people know what they are on the 1-10 beauty scale? And if you know, do you act accordingly? Whatever that may be.

Tes said...

Personally, on a 1-10 scale is a personal thing. What do you find beautiful? How do you measure up to those standards? I'm learning to make my own standards by meshing inner beauty with outer beauty and it makes me a solid 7 :).

So, how do you measure beauty Lina?

Squeak Williams said...

the smaller the pieces of me are, and the more intimate and personal, and ultimately stunning, they become until you’re left with my soul, which is the most beautiful of all.

Tes i love reading your blog, ur so poetic and expressive. I swear we wouldve been best friends back in high school. The great thing about adulthood is that inner beauty becomes outer beauty as well. However, as a dude, i must say that you are simply the chick in the movies who isnt supposed to be hot but really is, she's just wearing glasses, lol.

BTW, i keep you blog up during my work day strictly for your playlist. Might i suggest adding some Little Brother, and theres a similar group from Houston called H.I.S.D. that I think ud like also.

Tes said...

I'm extremely flattered by everything you just said Squeak. Thank you so much :)

I'll look into Little Brother; I've been hearing a lot about him from the other artists that I like. As for H.I.S.D...they aiight :P lol