Saturday, April 30, 2011

I'm Nobody's Mud-Duck

My friend George has told me on several occasions about the mud-ducks he's run into in his life (Not familiar with Southern slang? Mud-duck: relatively unattractive person.) but constantly tells me that I'm not one of them. Until recently, that sentiment hadn't set in.

Lately, I've been noticing things. My hands are soft and small. My forearms are strong but not too muscular. I've got soft skin, bright eyes, and thick hair. Things that I take for granted every day that are always staring me in the face and it's taken this long for me to realize how beautiful (and functional!) they are.

I was walking past a mirror today while talking on the phone. When I'm on the phone, when I'm moving, when there's life in me, I seem so different. I seem more vibrant and alive than when I'm just myself in silence (not to say my silence isn't beautiful my parents can attest to that). Maybe it's the talking? Talking about myself and what makes me who I am reminds me that there's so much more to me than this body; there's a soul too, and a mind made up of so many great ideas and hopes and together they make up the bundle of beauty that is Tes. But while walking past that mirror it was like I was seeing myself for a split second as others see me. I was seeing my spirit shine through this body. I was gorgeous.

I'm five feet tall with crazy scars across my back. I'm a little over-weight. My skin's uneven. I'm stretched marked up like a seismograph gone wrong; but I'm nobody's mud-duck. I'm curvy and fit. My eyes are windows to my soul; my voice is addicting and sweet. My hair smells like sunshine (says a little girl on my bus route, which by the way, made my day). I'm equal parts beauty and flaw, and that's what makes me.

I forget that it's equal parts internal and external that make people attractive. I forget that these things that I find wrong with me are the things others may value in me most. Most important though, I forget to not take myself for granted and to seek out the beauty, even when the flaws seem innumerable, because the beauty, if I'm true to myself, will always be there.

Seek the beauty ya'll. :)


Jouromeo said...

Dear Tes the Sweetheart,

Good job on making so much progress in self-acceptance. There is always room for improvement. Sounds fun to be you. :-) keep it crackin.

Tes said...

Thank you Sagey Bear...It took a lot of work and a lot of time but I'm finally there :)