Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Respect - Not Just an Aretha Song

I respect myself. I think anybody who knows of me will know that from jump street. I respect my mind, my body, my spirit. Alladat. But what I'm realizing is that not everyone holds that same kind of respect for themselves, and not everyone will extend that kind of respect to you. So what's a girl in my position supposed to do with that?

I was talking to my friend George who told me that nice girls finish last and good girls never finish (no that's not exactly what he said, but it's exactly what he meant). Because I'm a nice, good girl I take offense to that; just because I don't do what everyone else is doing or think what they think, I'm never going to finish? He said that girls like me have to work to find somebody to "take us" because we're usually picky, short-sighted and have hang ups like you wouldn't believe. Yes, I'm selective (pardon me for liking men who read more than I like men who don't), and yes, I can sometimes be short-sighted, but all of those things don't make it so that somebody has to "take me" (read as: put up with me/settle for me).

I don't think a lot of women respect themselves. I don't think they know that they're worth is in more than what they can do for a man, but who they are to him and most important who they are to and for themselves. And I think men (my age especially but not exclusively) don't have patience for respectable women. In this microwave generation, for every girl that doesn't put out, there are maybe 5 or more who do. For every girl that says something isn't up to her standards, there are 10 or more who settle. I always try to remind myself of that when a guy hits on me in a completely wrong way ("Say guh, how much your rent is? I'll pay it.") that somewhere in some point in his life that works. It's disheartening.

I believe you are only worth what you think you are; if you're not willing to look at yourself and think of you as more than parts and limits then how is anyone else going to see anything else about you? The fact that I hold so stringently to my morals and beliefs may make it look like I'm too picky, but the fact remains that there's not too much to my ideal guy: he's kind, he's smart, he reads, he's respectful and he's creative. The rest is up for discovery. Is it difficult for men to rise to those standards or is it the fact that other women don't make them want to rise to those standards that makes it so hard for girls like me? And why am I deemed the black sheep for wanting a guy who either possesses or is willing to cultivate those things?

What is respect really worth if it doesn't get you any closer to your goal? Is it worth lowering already low standards to let everyone in, or to keep them and wait for the right one? I often fear my timidness and ardent adherence to my morals will scare men off, but then I remember that if that scares them, there are other women out there for them.


J.A.H. said...

I think it's not only a show of self-respect, but a matter of responsibility to be true to ourselves. You have standards and/or preferences, which are there for good reason. They're part of what makes Tes 'Tes'. When the right guy comes along, Tes is who he should want. If you change or modify something and a guy meets you under those auspices, things get awkward when he sees the real you (happened with me a couple times). It's like that line about women hoping men will change and men hoping that women won't change. If you stay true to yourself, there won't be a reason to change and you'll both be more comfortable.

Im said...

NEVER lower your self respect or the respect you make a requirement from others!!

Tes i know its something you hear day in and day out but you are young, take your time. there is so much that you are going to experience. enjoy the unscripted and unplanned.

don't let anyone convince you that you need to find the one now! there are soooo many men out there that will be what you need AND want

Stay tes, smart, sweet, beautiful and growing...

i wish i had a way with words like some people but i don't i'm so blunt but i mean so much more than these mere words can say.... i hope you understand

Squeak Williams said...


Tell your friend George to GTFOHWTBS. The only person who is shortsighted is him and the chicks that he messes with because they are easy and have no self worth. It is not shortsighted to know what you want and who you are. That's called maturity.

The truth is, these "men" and I use the term loosely, that seek after these girls are really just boys afraid to grow up and commit. They aren't looking for long term meaningful relationships, or even relationships to help them grow and mature. Just quick catches, and a good time. Dont fall for it. What will probably end up happening is an older brotha will see a diamond in Tes and scoop you, to the chagrin of the young cats who will proceed to hate at what they missed out on. I've seen it happen.

Keep doin you and tell cats like George to kick rocks. There are brothas out there lookin for someone to build somethin with. U that chick. Keep doing you.

Tes said...

Thanks you guys for stopping by. I really appreciate the encouragement :).