I respect myself. I think anybody who knows of me will know that from jump street. I respect my mind, my body, my spirit. Alladat. But what I'm realizing is that not everyone holds that same kind of respect for themselves, and not everyone will extend that kind of respect to you. So what's a girl in my position supposed to do with that?
I was talking to my friend George who told me that nice girls finish last and good girls never finish (no that's not exactly what he said, but it's exactly what he meant). Because I'm a nice, good girl I take offense to that; just because I don't do what everyone else is doing or think what they think, I'm never going to finish? He said that girls like me have to work to find somebody to "take us" because we're usually picky, short-sighted and have hang ups like you wouldn't believe. Yes, I'm selective (pardon me for liking men who read more than I like men who don't), and yes, I can sometimes be short-sighted, but all of those things don't make it so that somebody has to "take me" (read as: put up with me/settle for me).
I don't think a lot of women respect themselves. I don't think they know that they're worth is in more than what they can do for a man, but who they are to him and most important who they are to and for themselves. And I think men (my age especially but not exclusively) don't have patience for respectable women. In this microwave generation, for every girl that doesn't put out, there are maybe 5 or more who do. For every girl that says something isn't up to her standards, there are 10 or more who settle. I always try to remind myself of that when a guy hits on me in a completely wrong way ("Say guh, how much your rent is? I'll pay it.") that somewhere in some point in his life that works. It's disheartening.
I believe you are only worth what you think you are; if you're not willing to look at yourself and think of you as more than parts and limits then how is anyone else going to see anything else about you? The fact that I hold so stringently to my morals and beliefs may make it look like I'm too picky, but the fact remains that there's not too much to my ideal guy: he's kind, he's smart, he reads, he's respectful and he's creative. The rest is up for discovery. Is it difficult for men to rise to those standards or is it the fact that other women don't make them want to rise to those standards that makes it so hard for girls like me? And why am I deemed the black sheep for wanting a guy who either possesses or is willing to cultivate those things?
What is respect really worth if it doesn't get you any closer to your goal? Is it worth lowering already low standards to let everyone in, or to keep them and wait for the right one? I often fear my timidness and ardent adherence to my morals will scare men off, but then I remember that if that scares them, there are other women out there for them.