In any case, the things I hope for seem so impossible to me, but to those around me they say they know I can do any and everything. I question that; how can they know when I can't? Is it my fear of making mistakes that keeps me from seeing my own potential as clearly as my friends and family, or is it just that I don't see myself as unmarred and fearlessly as they do? Is it the world I'm afraid of, or is it me as a part of it?
My hopes...I hope to finish school, but the longer I'm in it, the less and less it all seems to matter. I'm a freshman with a few credit hours and so many more to go just to get my associates of English. That means if I want to finish in 2 and a half years I have to be a full-time and a half student, taking on 15-18 credit hours per semester. I'm smart enough to do it, I think I can take the pressure, but at the end of it all, is it even worth it? I'll still be looking for jobs like most of America, I'll still be so far from where I want to be, which is my Masters of English. Is it worth it?
I hope to one day be a mother and significant other. I think I've tackled so much in my life emotionally, mentally and physically (and still have so much more to go) but never that, not yet anyway. I don't think anything else means as much to me outside of myself than that goal of one day seeing something that I brought forth
I hope to one day look at my parents and know that I've made them prouder than I could ever have imagined. I tell my daddy all the time that right under making myself proud on my list of things to do is making him and mother proud, and he tells me every time he talks to me that he's so proud of what I've already done. That motivates me further and further to be greater and greater, so I know eventually, somehow, this hope is going to happen.
I know I'm strong enough to do these three or four things, but they seem so daunting in my mind until I realize where I've come from. I had titanium rods placed in my back at age 9. I survived swine flu, avian flu, and the influx of teen pregnancy. I've kept my sanity in this world this long, what's another twenty years? I've come so far...but got so far to go.