All I usually need is ten minutes to compose myself at any given time. Say something goes wrong, terribly, or something goes right, extraordinarily. Ten minutes and I'll have a complete reign over my emotions enough to be coherant and think properly.
I'm probably not going to college, and there's not much I can do about it at this point. I feel like I've let myself down and that I'm becoming that person I never wanted or thought I would become; the person who defers school for a year, or two or ten until they realize how much of their dreams they never accomplished and end up bitter at life.
Ten minutes was all it took to convince myself to be stronger. I'm not big on supporters; it's really just me, my parents and the few friends I've collected along the way. So I find more often than not I have to be the support that I'd want for myself. Which is the advice of today's blog.
A lot of times I feel that letting anyone know anything other than "I'm fine" is a weakness; even though it's typically far from the truth, I'm the quintessential "strong/responsible/reliable" one and in my mind, that means nothing should bother me although usually, everything does. I find that, since I don't feel like I have much support (or maybe I need too much?) I usually have to pick myself up and push on.
The whole school thing really got me down; it seems like every time I take a step forward I'm forced to take three back. I'm not fully convinced that school isn't for me, but I am convinced that I can't do it now. I worry that I'll get caught up in making money and forget all about it, but somehow I know that's not going to happen; I'm too set on being an English teacher to ever forget, but a year or so off to make money doesn't sound so bad.
Moral of the story - be your own supporter, and be your best supporter. Nobody knows how to motivate you but you, and nobody can do it better.