Thursday, June 2, 2011

I Forget About Decisions

I don't like making decisions. Mostly because I dislike being wrong and not making a decision is the easiest way to not be wrong that often. I also fear outcomes; what if this happens, and what if that happens always make me stay in that aggravating shade of "I don't know" grey or "I'm undecided" beige.

I've decided to be a high school English teacher; it's the most likely job to make me feel accomplished and that I'm doing something worth while that can help the future. Plus, I remember all my high school English teachers. What my decision says to me is that it's time to gear all the way up; I've got 6/60 credits needed for my associates of English, and I'm looking into teaching accreditation programs around town.

I've also decided to not stress so much about people and their opinions. I recently noticed that I'm a bit stand-offish with people and I can't help but think it's for a reason; not saying that people don't matter right now, but they shouldn't matter more to me than I do. I've been so focused and worried about how other people define my success and my life, never taking the time to define those things for myself first and now that I have, I truly realize how little it matters what others think of me, but more so what I think of me.

I think I need some work. Literally and figuratively. I think if I had a job to do I wouldn't be super high-strung all the time; I could focus my mind on the tasks at hand (and the perks of a paycheck) during the day and come home feeling satisfied that I've done something with my day. I also need work with my attitude which, honestly, I didn't know I had. More thinking before speaking should help that, right?

I sometimes forget that life is going to be full of decisions, and failing to make them now isn't doing me any favors; in fact, it can be a hindrance to me later by my lack of experience with making any thus far. I didn't want the blame of failure to fall on me if I made the wrong decision. I didn't want to face any consequences from a bad decision. In all this time I just now got the light bulb that if I don't make a decision, I can't possibly make a good decision and therefore can't expect good things.

Time to get this object in motion, huh?

Spreading love
Dropping knowledge
Growing up <3

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