Wednesday, June 1, 2011

(5) Like A Star...

Just like a star across my skies. Just like an angel off the page. You have appeared to my life. It feels like I'll never be the same...

I don't know when exactly I started loving George. I just know that since then, no matter how much I've wanted to at particular moments, I never stop. It's not like I thought it would be; nothing that I read in the books. I always thought loving a guy would be like the classic rom-com musicals that makes women go around singing "The Hills Are Alive (With the Sound of Music)" or at the very least sing and dance in the rain. It's not like that at all, and suprisingly I'm really glad it isn't.

We're miles apart (about a thousand or so) but he still makes an effort to cheer me up when I'm down, or vent to me when he's frustrated. That's what good friends are for I've been told, and if that's the case, he's a damn good friend. He feels passionately about me in ways that I feel I'm not; he's passionate about my writing, about my love for hip-hop (or lack thereof in his opinion) and a myriad of other things I always neglect to be thankful for about myself. In fact, the other day he told me that he gets frustrated because I always doubt myself but don't doubt others and, until I learn to say things and mean them to and for myself, I'm not "allowed" to compliment or uplift anyone. He's cute, isn't he?

Still I wonder why it is. I don't argue like this with anyone but you. We do it all the time...

Don't get me wrong, when we fight we fight. It's like we pick out the smallest of things (or he does anyway cause I never argue :) ) and just hash it out to it's lowest common denominator. He says I said something, I say he said something, boom, we're having a very terse 'discussion' about how things are and how we want them to be. However a few days later, we're apologizing without saying the words and acting as if the whole thing didn't happen (or teasing about it, in my case). I'm reminded of a saying about never saying sorry...

I always thought that being in love with a person was the most important thing. In love is what gets people shot. It's what makes people throw up their hands and sing "You Make Me Feel (Like A Natural Woman) at inpromptu times. It's a crazy, mixed up, jumble of messy emotions. But love? Love is something different. It's just knowing that there's a mutual care between the two of you, and that as long as it's there, nothing even matters. It's not so much a need to have that person in your life, but a very high want and that, in a nut shell, is what's between me and George.

That's why "Like a Star" by Corinne Bailey Rae is a song that reminds me of him. Sometimes I just think about him and roll my eyes, but other times...Other times I feel this peace in my spirit because I know he's there for me if I fail, he's there for me if I succeed, and he's going to be there as long as fate allows.

He's spiritual and genuine. He's funny and witty. He's quirky and he's always putting his foot in his mouth. And I think he's absolutely wonderful. He thinks I'm beautiful and smart. He thinks I'm stubborn and too emotional. He thinks I'm meant for greatness and purpose beyond anything I can possibly know. And he's damned determined to make sure I think those same things about myself and for that...what can a woman do but love the man?

Spreading love
Dropping knowledge
Accepting love > in love

2 comments:

Jouromeo said...

awww,that is very sweet of you to acknowledge him in such a way.
Feeling a certain way can be a great things and other times...it can rip your heart out your chest. Always hold on to the positive things with less doubt, discard the negative with increased doubt and learn and learn and learn from the good the bad and the ugly. Sweet heart, everythang gon' be aight.

Tes said...

It's hard to stop doubting and just do things, but I'm learning that sometimes you just have to jump and let the current carry you, scary as that is...

And thanks ^_^.