I'm inspired by someone I've never met. The idea of the person appeals to me, not gonna lie, but I'm having a bit of a conundrum with the connotations of such. I’m a person who enjoys getting to know people and what makes them work intimately, not just their surface. Does admiring the idea of a person, appreciating their qualities when not really knowing who they are, negate whatever feelings you may have?
The dude in the previous video? His name's Laith. I think he's super dope, in the abstract of course. I found out he's an artist and his work is really impressive. Plus, he's kind of gorgeous - like Mississippi God Damn gorgeous. The guy seems smart and interesting and...I'm a bit infatuated, can’t even fake that.
And there's the rub; my infatuation doesn't lead to love as it used to when I was younger. I’m able to recognize when I’m getting caught up in the idea over a person over their substance and take a step back. I learned that to love someone you have to know them, and sometimes knowing them isn’t really idealic. They burp, fart, and scratch themselves just like you do – they’re actual people, not perfect caricatures of your desires. I don't know the guy, but I greatly appreciate what he does (I can't draw or paint to save my life) and respect the path he's chosen to travel in this big bad world; he’s got a dopeness about him that I envy a little. So when W posed me with the proposition of writing a love poem, as I haven't written one in at least a year, for this dope dude, I kind of froze.
I feel weird about it. Could I? Definitely; my infatuation leads to dreams running wild of road trips under blue skies and cruising listening to some classic M.J and Motown tunes. But my love poems are deeply personal and real. They’re marred with my personal perceptions of actual people who I've touched, seen, maybe even held hands with. Writing for this person who represents an idea, albeit a very awesome one, seems foreign to me. Foreign and a little fraudulent.
I'd feel better about it if I knew the guy and could be like, 'Yo, I like what you do, here's a poem." The fact remains that I don't and even if I did, I wouldn't know exactly what to say. I'd look at him and look at me and think “Tes, who the hell are you to even think...?" and get real discouraged; he'd never know it existed, much less read it.
But...I'm entering this new phase in my life where I do things for me, and if I feel it then why not? I like a few qualities of the guy that, from what I can tell, are genuine traits; he inspires me to take my art more seriously, to take love and living for myself more seriously, and through the video with Christina, that love doesn't always equal the happily ever after as I'd always thought. I feel like I'm learning from what he's putting out there. So...I'll try it. I might not like it. I may love it so much I post it for the world to see. All I know is, unless I write it, until I write it, I'll never know and denying writing is like denying part of myself.
And I've found that not doing it is not as much fun, not as exciting and not as refreshing as doing it; and I think I’m about ready to just do this instead of talking about it.
We find inspiration in the weirdest of places, don't we?