*And the controversy prior to.
1) Spike Lee came out to say that "Django Unchained" was disrespectful to his ancestors and that he would not be seeing it. I am not one to begrudge someone for their opinion or convictions, however I do consider the sources from which those opinions come and act accordingly. I'll be honest and say I've never seen a Spike Lee film that I've liked or would care to see again. None of his films from the past decade have been critically or commercially acclaimed by anyone in my circle or out of it. And "Django" is set to be a hit right out the gate. What did I learn? Sour grapes make good whine.
2) Katt Williams, in his recent influx of infinite knowledge, has said that he was offered a script for "Django" and turned it down because "any n*gga who would take that role deserves to die." ...Who here who has seen the movie can see Katt in any part of that film, much less the lead? Don't worry, I'll wait. What did I learn? Sometimes, unhit dogs will holler too.
3) Say what you want about Quentin Tarantino, he makes beautiful movies. Blood spatter in comic, gregorious and over the top. The music is a mix of classic Americana, rap, hip-hop, and musica de la banda. The actors are all at the top of their game scene stealers in scenes with one another. There's something to be said about a director who keeps up the same fervor and passion and belief in his craft to risk failure with his ideas every time; that something to be said is "that dude makes awesome stuff."
4) Quentin Tarantino uses the word "nigger," which seems to be a big deal to people. Those people say it belittles their heritage, or it (and the movie itself) makes a mockery out of slavery. To that I counter that women are still being called bitches in popular rap songs on the Billboard 100. I counter that I hear the word "nigger" more often in things made by my people than anyone else. If anybody is making a mockery out of slavery and belittling the history of our ancestory it is us, and our willingness to call anything and everything out as racist whether it is or isn't. What I learned from that is, in this post racial society, it's still only okay if "we" do it, but not "them."
5) The word "nigger" was a character in this movie. Just like Django, and Dr. Shultz the word had a story of it's own before we heard it and then became something else with every utterance of it after. Sometimes it was malicious, sometimes it was gleeful, and sometimes it was just a noun after an adjective of an (at the time) unheard of and unseen sight. The blood in this movie was an action. With every splatter and gurgle new life was on the screen, drenching walls and ground in a thin, shiny red layer of awesomeness and mirth. What I learned, last and most important, is that filmaking, great filmmaking, is not dead: when we let art thrive and expression grow, we end up with beautiful, creative and fun representations of not just our bad, but our amazing.
Cinephile out.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Saturday, November 24, 2012
How To...
I am a fortress to those who don't know me well. A level-headed, super-cool, funny, dope and cute girl with aspirations and an outgoing personality in public, but the truth is, I don't have too many friends.
Three, I think.
W, SoulBrotha, and Tarzan are pretty much it for my friends, which is awesome and perturbing at the same time. You see, if one or two of them fall out of commission fall off the face of the earth, gets mad at me, or is otherwise too preoccupied to be a friend, instead of a fortress I'm a picket fence. I lose a little of me, because I lose them temporarily; some of my personality's most beautiful and explosive components come from the energy I sometimes get from my friendships, and seeing as I don't have too many deep friendships, it stands to reason I lose a little footing.
Perturbing, as I want to stand on my own and be this level-headed, super-cool, funny, dope and cute girl with aspirations and an outgoing personality in and of myself without the extra "Umph" I seem to get from others. The truth is, I'm always that girl, always always, but she's cloaked by shyness and reservation; I don't trust too many people with my whole self, and I'm not really sure why. It would alleviate some of the intense loneliness I sometimes feel but the fortress I spent so much of my teen years building up has inevitably blocked me in.
For instance, with my boyfriend. I care about him a lot and this fortress I've built lets me out just enough to tell him and show him so, but not enough to always be honest with him when I need more. I'm afraid that if I ask for too much, he won't stick around. I'm afraid that if I put too much pressure on him, instead of getting a diamond of a relationship I'll end up with ashes. And the same goes with W (sort of. The "but" here being that I can say literally anything to W and she knows exactly where I'm coming from and, though she gets mad sometimes, she always is a sister of my soul and sh*t, so she comes back.); the people I care the most about , the ones I feel I can be most myself with, oddly don't get all of me.
The only person who does is me and God I suppose, and if I'm being honest a lot of the times I don't even know why I feel the things I feel or think the way I think so I'm thinking God is on His own getting all of me (hopefully). Wise as some may call me, I'm still young and figuring all this out, and by "all this" I mean human interactions and relationships. How to be honest without hurting any feelings? How to express my needs without feeling needy? How to be more of myself without feeling so reserved about it?
Is a puzzlement.*
XoXo
*A line from one of my favorite movies, "The King And I."
Three, I think.
W, SoulBrotha, and Tarzan are pretty much it for my friends, which is awesome and perturbing at the same time. You see, if one or two of them fall out of commission fall off the face of the earth, gets mad at me, or is otherwise too preoccupied to be a friend, instead of a fortress I'm a picket fence. I lose a little of me, because I lose them temporarily; some of my personality's most beautiful and explosive components come from the energy I sometimes get from my friendships, and seeing as I don't have too many deep friendships, it stands to reason I lose a little footing.
Perturbing, as I want to stand on my own and be this level-headed, super-cool, funny, dope and cute girl with aspirations and an outgoing personality in and of myself without the extra "Umph" I seem to get from others. The truth is, I'm always that girl, always always, but she's cloaked by shyness and reservation; I don't trust too many people with my whole self, and I'm not really sure why. It would alleviate some of the intense loneliness I sometimes feel but the fortress I spent so much of my teen years building up has inevitably blocked me in.
For instance, with my boyfriend. I care about him a lot and this fortress I've built lets me out just enough to tell him and show him so, but not enough to always be honest with him when I need more. I'm afraid that if I ask for too much, he won't stick around. I'm afraid that if I put too much pressure on him, instead of getting a diamond of a relationship I'll end up with ashes. And the same goes with W (sort of. The "but" here being that I can say literally anything to W and she knows exactly where I'm coming from and, though she gets mad sometimes, she always is a sister of my soul and sh*t, so she comes back.); the people I care the most about , the ones I feel I can be most myself with, oddly don't get all of me.
The only person who does is me and God I suppose, and if I'm being honest a lot of the times I don't even know why I feel the things I feel or think the way I think so I'm thinking God is on His own getting all of me (hopefully). Wise as some may call me, I'm still young and figuring all this out, and by "all this" I mean human interactions and relationships. How to be honest without hurting any feelings? How to express my needs without feeling needy? How to be more of myself without feeling so reserved about it?
Is a puzzlement.*
XoXo
*A line from one of my favorite movies, "The King And I."
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Classic Movie Love: All About Eve
Never had I ever seen a movie so complex at age 16 than the movie "All About Eve," and never had I been so enraptured and impassioned by a movie at that point either. Every now and then a movie comes around that makes you think and this was the first movie, for me to do so.
In black and white, at first I thought the movie wasn't for me. Soon, I became entranced by these characters and the depth that the women were portrayed with more than I was the lack of color (race and literal wise). Never had I seen women portrayed with such wit, cunning and ambition before.
We'll start with Margo Channing, the aging, beautiful and insecure stage actress. She's got a man who loves her, fans who adore her, but she knows the end is near, and she knows she wants something more. Enter Eve, a young fan who's willing to look after and adore Margo in a way she hadn't been before, up close and personal. But soon, Eve's scrutiny becomes blindingly obvious to the women in the movie (Karen, a good friend to Margo, Margo herself, and even the maid) to be a front for what becomes known as Eve's true agenda, and at that point everyone is entangled in her web and are powerless to stop her.
What I loved most about the movie is that the women aren't played as the one dimensional props who's main objective is to land a man. Rather, the women are shown as these creatures who have thoughts (!!!) and objectives beyond the men in their lives; instead, the men are used as vehicles, as representatives of all the things the women really want. These women have ambitions, loyalties, lives and admittedly loves to protect and they protect them, go after them, ferociously at that.
The men, for their part, seem to not know the underlying drama and grab for power that is going on with the women. No, instead, as in life (as I've found) they believe it's all about them, all about our emotions as women and things they've no interest in understanding. The director, Joseph Mankiewicz, had an interest in portraying the truth of women, and I think in "Eve" he tapped into the truth of it all; we women set the men up in our lives as the holders of all our joys and triumphs, when in actuality (if we're lucky or self-aware enough) we realize that the men are just men, the desires we have are our own, and the men are just a physical representation.
For example, Margo is in love with Bill Sampson. Bill is less than a decade younger than and doesn't take any sh*t from Margo, but for his part loves her just as much as she loves him. When Eve enters, all of a sudden Margo is faced with a younger woman in the vicinity of her (younger) man, and has to face not only her age but also a threat to her vanity and her belief that Bill only has eyes for her. Bill is a component of the issue, but Bill is not the issue, you see? Throughout the movie you'll see power plays for the men in main characters' lives, not for who the men are per se, but for what they symbolize, what they can do, and the perceived power they give the other women.
In the end what I learned from the movie was that these seemingly stupid power struggles I was going through in high school were A) never going to end and B) would form the basis for who I would be as a woman. For my part, I mostly stayed out of them, but when I did become involved... Sometimes I was an Eve, sometimes a Margo or a Karen, but in all those times I was aware of the truth of what I was doing, of the meat of the stew I was stirring or brewing and for that, this movie has been an immeasurable help to my realization of myself, and an illumination of to who I would or would not want to be.
I've added this to the list of movies Tarzan and I should watch together; if he were to watch it alone, I don't know if he'd get all the juicy, relevant subtext that's been missed by so many when viewing the film. Maybe it'll help him understand the world of women around him which he seems so naievely, believably oblivious to. Or maybe it will just facilitate him learning who I am, why I think the way I do and how and why I see the world the way I do. In any case, I can't wait to share one of my favorite movies with one of my favorite people.
-Cinephile out.
In black and white, at first I thought the movie wasn't for me. Soon, I became entranced by these characters and the depth that the women were portrayed with more than I was the lack of color (race and literal wise). Never had I seen women portrayed with such wit, cunning and ambition before.
We'll start with Margo Channing, the aging, beautiful and insecure stage actress. She's got a man who loves her, fans who adore her, but she knows the end is near, and she knows she wants something more. Enter Eve, a young fan who's willing to look after and adore Margo in a way she hadn't been before, up close and personal. But soon, Eve's scrutiny becomes blindingly obvious to the women in the movie (Karen, a good friend to Margo, Margo herself, and even the maid) to be a front for what becomes known as Eve's true agenda, and at that point everyone is entangled in her web and are powerless to stop her.
What I loved most about the movie is that the women aren't played as the one dimensional props who's main objective is to land a man. Rather, the women are shown as these creatures who have thoughts (!!!) and objectives beyond the men in their lives; instead, the men are used as vehicles, as representatives of all the things the women really want. These women have ambitions, loyalties, lives and admittedly loves to protect and they protect them, go after them, ferociously at that.
The men, for their part, seem to not know the underlying drama and grab for power that is going on with the women. No, instead, as in life (as I've found) they believe it's all about them, all about our emotions as women and things they've no interest in understanding. The director, Joseph Mankiewicz, had an interest in portraying the truth of women, and I think in "Eve" he tapped into the truth of it all; we women set the men up in our lives as the holders of all our joys and triumphs, when in actuality (if we're lucky or self-aware enough) we realize that the men are just men, the desires we have are our own, and the men are just a physical representation.
For example, Margo is in love with Bill Sampson. Bill is less than a decade younger than and doesn't take any sh*t from Margo, but for his part loves her just as much as she loves him. When Eve enters, all of a sudden Margo is faced with a younger woman in the vicinity of her (younger) man, and has to face not only her age but also a threat to her vanity and her belief that Bill only has eyes for her. Bill is a component of the issue, but Bill is not the issue, you see? Throughout the movie you'll see power plays for the men in main characters' lives, not for who the men are per se, but for what they symbolize, what they can do, and the perceived power they give the other women.
In the end what I learned from the movie was that these seemingly stupid power struggles I was going through in high school were A) never going to end and B) would form the basis for who I would be as a woman. For my part, I mostly stayed out of them, but when I did become involved... Sometimes I was an Eve, sometimes a Margo or a Karen, but in all those times I was aware of the truth of what I was doing, of the meat of the stew I was stirring or brewing and for that, this movie has been an immeasurable help to my realization of myself, and an illumination of to who I would or would not want to be.
I've added this to the list of movies Tarzan and I should watch together; if he were to watch it alone, I don't know if he'd get all the juicy, relevant subtext that's been missed by so many when viewing the film. Maybe it'll help him understand the world of women around him which he seems so naievely, believably oblivious to. Or maybe it will just facilitate him learning who I am, why I think the way I do and how and why I see the world the way I do. In any case, I can't wait to share one of my favorite movies with one of my favorite people.
-Cinephile out.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Being In A Relationship Doesn't Make Everything Go Away
I want to move in with Tarzan.
Is it fast? Terribly. Impulsive and impetuous? Probably. But more than any of that, I think, it's a manifestation of the fears and trust issues that I've yet to really deal with.
I've let go of the loves that didn't work, let go of the pain of the rejection and the feeling of being lied to, but the one thing that's stayed with me throughout every failed attempted and actualized relationship was the inability to trust the people that I wanted to be with. It felt like each time a relationship didn't work put a little nick on my self-confidence and my belief in the innate good in people.
I know I have to realize that those past hurts won't necessarily manifest in my new relationship, that those things and people were different, and that most importantly I'm different. It's hard, though, because the relationship that I'm in happens to be a long distance relationship, and so my reluctance to really trust and let go of the fear is pushing me, and in turn it's making me push him.
He's not ready to move. I've known it for awhile, but I just kept pushing, thinking that him not willing to make this move with me means that he doesn't love me or doesn't believe that we'll make it that far. He expressed concern once about the temptations that he'd face once he let people know he was dating me (because you know those chicks, just like I do, who don't want a dude until he's with someone else) and that made me freak out. What if I wasn't what he wanted? What if there was something there that was easier that the relationship we're in?
Then it hit me. Maybe I wanted him to move here so badly so I could keep an eye on him. Now don't misunderstand, I want to be with him. I love waking up and seeing him, I love joking around and talking with him in person. But maybe I was pushing so hard because, if he were here, I'd be able to, in my mind at least, know if something was amiss. Me even wanting it for that reason let me know I wasn't in the right place.
I want him to move with me because he wants to. I want him to do so of his own will and feel secure enough in and of himself to just say one day "Say Jane, how do you feel about me moving in next month?" More than that, I want to trust him, whether he's with me in person or not.
My parents were long distance relationshippers in the sense that Pop was military and deployed a lot. They worked, at least in my eyes they did. They laughed all the time and had fun and then one day, they didn't anymore. One day it all fell apart and neither I, nor my mother, really knew why. For a guy I'd known my whole life to just decide "Welp, this ain't it for me no more," and just dip right as I reached adolescence? It hurt a lot. It confused me; if my Dad couldn't even stay around for me, what makes me think any other guy would?
And so started a very confusing cycle of me either chasing dudes I knew would let me down, or allowing dudes in who weren't really what I needed, just for the sake of not being lonely. The latter, I didn't worry about trusting, as truthfully I barely liked them anyway, but the former? The former I would put all my hope behind and push. Then when they pushed back, in the opposite direction, I fell down and got hurt. I got hurt a lot, not realizing that it was my own choice. I chose who I gave the power to hurt me to, and up until that point, nobody has shown they were worth that much.
Tarzan met me at a tough time and picked me up, not expecting anything in return. He's been a friend to me before anything romantic happened and has proven he's worthy of my trust. He's worth my love and my faith and yet it's still so hard to give it so freely, still so hard to not push him either to his breaking point or completely away.
I'm trying to learn to trust, trying to not smother. I think working on myself, while working on us, is the key; I thought a relationship would "fix" me, in a way so I'd kind of stopped thinking of myself as an individual in process and a switch was flipped to turn me into a couple in progress, not realizing I could do both. I thought all my previous issues with myself would dissipate once I had someone giving me their heart, but the reverse is true; they've been brought more to the light. I don't want to be a liability to him, nor to myself.
I'll keep working at it, and in the meantime stop putting so much pressure on him; I'm sure he's already putting a lot of pressure on himself for so many other things, and I don't want him feeling more trapped than loved. As for myself? The only way to learn trust, is to practice it I suppose.
So here's to more practice.
Sex Is Overrated*
*Unless you're ready.
I was a virgin until one day, after meeting the right man, I wasn't anymore. It's as simple as that. Folks seem to put this stigma on girls who wait as long as I did (and also stigmas on girls who don't wait nearly that long, but I digress), that we're prudes, Jesus freaks, or terrified of penises, which is (usually) not the case. It certainly wasn't the case in mine.
What I was waiting on was to fall in love. At one point it seemed like it would be easier to give it away/settle on just anybody than to do it the right way (It can be argued that the "right way" would've been to wait until I was married but...). I decided it didn't mean that much to me, the sex part; if I couldn't find someone I trusted or loved enough to partake of it with, it would've been worthless and I would've sold myself short. I gave up on love for awhile and stopped looking; I decided to put my relationship with myself at the forefront.
And in waltzed Tarzan...
It's not like they make it look in the movies: all effortless and flawless make-up and smooth transitions. Not at all. But as long as you've got someone who you're learning with, who you're not afraid to have a little fun with, it's usually a lot better than the movies.
Orgasms though (and I don't mean to burst your bubble) are tough to come by. You're always at a state of "almost..." Don't get me wrong, it still feels amazing and powerful and overall goo-od, but if you're expecting it to be the way it is when you do it yourself? Nope. Sorry. If you're expecting that person to hit it out of the park those first couple times? Sorry again. As long as it took you to learn it, it'll probably take them twice as long, maybe more if you're unwilling to talk about it which is a key.
I love talking about it. With him, of course. It helps me learn what he likes, what I like, and how we can incorporate more of that for later. I will admit though, I do hold out on a few tidbits here and there. I could be dirty, I could be kinky, I could be all those things but sometimes...Sometimes I worry Tarzan wouldn't be able to handle the hypersexual side of me, at least not without viewing me completely differently. I think that's more of a "me" issue than a "he" issue though, and I'm working on it.
If you can't talk to that person about sex, you probably shouldn't be having it with them. If you're "settling" for that person instead of waiting for whatever it is you really want, you probably shouldn't be doing it. Also, if you're embarrassed about buying condoms or getting your birth control? Definitely not.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard women tell me they regretted their first time. They regretted it was so soon, that it was with the wrong person; overall, they wish they would've waited, like I did. I don't regret it, and never will; it was all around right for me. The right person, the right time and most importantly, I was ready. Nobody can tell you when you're ready, nobody but you. You've got to be honest with yourself, above all else, before you enter into a sexually intimate relationship.
That's all I got (so far).
XoXo
I was a virgin until one day, after meeting the right man, I wasn't anymore. It's as simple as that. Folks seem to put this stigma on girls who wait as long as I did (and also stigmas on girls who don't wait nearly that long, but I digress), that we're prudes, Jesus freaks, or terrified of penises, which is (usually) not the case. It certainly wasn't the case in mine.
What I was waiting on was to fall in love. At one point it seemed like it would be easier to give it away/settle on just anybody than to do it the right way (It can be argued that the "right way" would've been to wait until I was married but...). I decided it didn't mean that much to me, the sex part; if I couldn't find someone I trusted or loved enough to partake of it with, it would've been worthless and I would've sold myself short. I gave up on love for awhile and stopped looking; I decided to put my relationship with myself at the forefront.
And in waltzed Tarzan...
It's not like they make it look in the movies: all effortless and flawless make-up and smooth transitions. Not at all. But as long as you've got someone who you're learning with, who you're not afraid to have a little fun with, it's usually a lot better than the movies.
Orgasms though (and I don't mean to burst your bubble) are tough to come by. You're always at a state of "almost..." Don't get me wrong, it still feels amazing and powerful and overall goo-od, but if you're expecting it to be the way it is when you do it yourself? Nope. Sorry. If you're expecting that person to hit it out of the park those first couple times? Sorry again. As long as it took you to learn it, it'll probably take them twice as long, maybe more if you're unwilling to talk about it which is a key.
I love talking about it. With him, of course. It helps me learn what he likes, what I like, and how we can incorporate more of that for later. I will admit though, I do hold out on a few tidbits here and there. I could be dirty, I could be kinky, I could be all those things but sometimes...Sometimes I worry Tarzan wouldn't be able to handle the hypersexual side of me, at least not without viewing me completely differently. I think that's more of a "me" issue than a "he" issue though, and I'm working on it.
If you can't talk to that person about sex, you probably shouldn't be having it with them. If you're "settling" for that person instead of waiting for whatever it is you really want, you probably shouldn't be doing it. Also, if you're embarrassed about buying condoms or getting your birth control? Definitely not.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard women tell me they regretted their first time. They regretted it was so soon, that it was with the wrong person; overall, they wish they would've waited, like I did. I don't regret it, and never will; it was all around right for me. The right person, the right time and most importantly, I was ready. Nobody can tell you when you're ready, nobody but you. You've got to be honest with yourself, above all else, before you enter into a sexually intimate relationship.
That's all I got (so far).
XoXo
Monday, October 1, 2012
Musing: Long Distance Love
Somewhere along the tumbles of life, I figured out what kind of person I wanted to be. I wanted to be kind and loving, honest and smart, and beautiful, not just for how I look but for who I am. I figured out that I wanted to be loved, appreciated and acknowledged, cherished and treated with respect. The role models I had growing up weren't the right people to really teach me those things, but somehow I found out what I wanted, what I needed of myself and anyone I allowed into my life to be.
I spent a week with Tarzan and found that all those things I wanted and even more that I didn't think to wish for, had come to fruition. For the first time I felt wholly confident in myself. I'll admit, I was nervous to meet family and friends, folks who had been hearing about me and wondering if I lived up to the hype, but I realized I didn't need to impress them; the person I had to impress was holding my hand the entire time, beaming proudly while introducing me to the people who mattered to him.
There's so much I want to say about the visit, but again, so little of him I want to share with the world. I want to talk about how loved I felt, how fun it all was, but what I'll instead focus on is how hard it is to say goodbye, even temporarily, to someone you're head over heels in love with.
It's a long goodbye, as from the minute you land, there's a stopwatch ticking down until when you have to leave again. It forces you to savor every moment, to open your eyes to the beauty of the small things, and for that, it's a great thing. But for the rest, for the separating of two folks in love? Sucks.
The long goodbye comes to a head the day of. You know and that person knows that this is the last time ya'll will be seeing each other for a minute or two. Personally, I cry. Unembarrassed, unabashed, I cry and can't stop completely. I'll occupy my mind and then the moment I let my mind wander BAM there it is; memories flood and break your heart over and over and there's nothing you can really do to stop it.
Long distance relationships are a gift and a curse; they make you fall for a person - not a look or an idea but an actual human being, and they make everything glow, even the small things. The curse of them being that you fall so in love with this other person, and you want to be there with them at every turn but you can't. Overall though, I can honestly say they aren't for the faint of heart. I can say that, if you're not serious with or about the person you're in it with, it's best to not go forward with one. And I can say that, in my case, it's one of the best things that's ever happened.
I hope he feels my love, even from this far distance. I hope he knows that the tears are from missing him, a deep sadness at not being in his presence more than anything else. And I hope he knows that I'm committed, over one hundred percent.
Something beautiful blossomed even further between he and I, something that made me feel loved beyond my wildest dreams. Something took root in me to make me want to reciprocate that feeling every chance I get and as sad as I feel now without him, the more determined that makes me to limit the long goodbyes.
I spent a week with Tarzan and found that all those things I wanted and even more that I didn't think to wish for, had come to fruition. For the first time I felt wholly confident in myself. I'll admit, I was nervous to meet family and friends, folks who had been hearing about me and wondering if I lived up to the hype, but I realized I didn't need to impress them; the person I had to impress was holding my hand the entire time, beaming proudly while introducing me to the people who mattered to him.
There's so much I want to say about the visit, but again, so little of him I want to share with the world. I want to talk about how loved I felt, how fun it all was, but what I'll instead focus on is how hard it is to say goodbye, even temporarily, to someone you're head over heels in love with.
It's a long goodbye, as from the minute you land, there's a stopwatch ticking down until when you have to leave again. It forces you to savor every moment, to open your eyes to the beauty of the small things, and for that, it's a great thing. But for the rest, for the separating of two folks in love? Sucks.
The long goodbye comes to a head the day of. You know and that person knows that this is the last time ya'll will be seeing each other for a minute or two. Personally, I cry. Unembarrassed, unabashed, I cry and can't stop completely. I'll occupy my mind and then the moment I let my mind wander BAM there it is; memories flood and break your heart over and over and there's nothing you can really do to stop it.
Long distance relationships are a gift and a curse; they make you fall for a person - not a look or an idea but an actual human being, and they make everything glow, even the small things. The curse of them being that you fall so in love with this other person, and you want to be there with them at every turn but you can't. Overall though, I can honestly say they aren't for the faint of heart. I can say that, if you're not serious with or about the person you're in it with, it's best to not go forward with one. And I can say that, in my case, it's one of the best things that's ever happened.
I hope he feels my love, even from this far distance. I hope he knows that the tears are from missing him, a deep sadness at not being in his presence more than anything else. And I hope he knows that I'm committed, over one hundred percent.
Something beautiful blossomed even further between he and I, something that made me feel loved beyond my wildest dreams. Something took root in me to make me want to reciprocate that feeling every chance I get and as sad as I feel now without him, the more determined that makes me to limit the long goodbyes.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
A Short Birthday Post
Today is my birthday.
I'm overwhelmed by the fullness and happiness I've achieved through simply loving others and doing the best I can.
Sometimes I fall short, but these people I surround myself with love me anyway. When I sing off key, when I stumble or falter, they're there in any way they can be to let me know my worth is so much more than how I look, or how much money I make.
My faith in humanity is still strong, after all these years. My hopefulness in love and kindness has never faded, even when no one was showing me the same. And the fact that God sees fit to keep me, continue to let me have that same optimism and joy with the simplest of things makes me grateful beyond words.
So on my birthday, I just want to say thank you to everyone who loves me. Everyone who likes me. Everyone who even knows who I am and has a positive opinion of me. Thank you.
I'm overwhelmed by the fullness and happiness I've achieved through simply loving others and doing the best I can.
Sometimes I fall short, but these people I surround myself with love me anyway. When I sing off key, when I stumble or falter, they're there in any way they can be to let me know my worth is so much more than how I look, or how much money I make.
My faith in humanity is still strong, after all these years. My hopefulness in love and kindness has never faded, even when no one was showing me the same. And the fact that God sees fit to keep me, continue to let me have that same optimism and joy with the simplest of things makes me grateful beyond words.
So on my birthday, I just want to say thank you to everyone who loves me. Everyone who likes me. Everyone who even knows who I am and has a positive opinion of me. Thank you.
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