1) If I could do so without it being obvious, I would constantly dumb myself down. Being the one who knows anything about everything* gets weird; when a smart ass approaches my group of friends and they all look to me to bring down an intellectual b*tch slap on the person I often sigh and wish it could be someone else. If I could, I'd try being the dumb girl because no one expects greatness from her, nobody expects depth; they just expect blank stares and nervous laughter after a joke has gone over her head.
2) I'm afraid of never finding love and being alone. Yes, independent woman, woot woot, and all that jazz, but on the real, I'm scared it's never going to happen (excluding parents and W). I know I'm young and I have time but it always feels like I'm always slightly out of touch with what's real in the world or out of reach with the ones I'm interested in. "Marvin's Room" conversations happen to me all the time and they always leave me feeling the same way: lacking and confused. They all say the same things "I thought you were too good for me," "I wasn't the one for you," or my favorite "I'm not ready for someone like you yet." So it's not my fault, but it is my fault? Which leads me to...
3) I do think I'm pretty and smart and fun, but I still have low self-esteem. Can't even explain that one. It's just one of those things. Which also leads into...
4) My boyfriend record
5) I'm unintentionally whiny**. In the world of Grey's Anatomy, I'm a Meredith. Meredith seems to have her sh*t together; she's a doctor, she's got a McDreamy doctor boyfriend/husband/person, and she's got awesome friends. But Meredith is almost never satisfied and constantly talks about the wrong things in her life. And in that way, I'm a Meredith. Or, philosophically speaking, a Socrates; it's better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied...right (
So...what are your five things?
*No, I do not know everything about anything; I'm a useless trivia person with really good music memory and grammar, which apparently comes in handy to a lot of people.
**The only person who hears me whine consistently is W, and she for the most part understands it's for reasons out of my control (which is why I whine about it) and listens like it's the first time she's ever heard me say anything about it.