Bleh

I don't ever feel like writing anymore and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I don't think people actually read what I write. Maybe it's because I don't feel like my writing changes anything outside of myself. In any case, I write much less than I used to.

I used to write poems all the time. Love poems. Hate poems. Expectation poems. Now I don't even have the drive to come up with any. I don't push them, because I find that when I'm straining to make an idea connect and work it never feels right to me, and that's all I look for when writing poems is that it feels right. It may sound odd, it may be structured strangely, but if it feels like everything I felt when writing it, it's perfect.

And I don't use the word perfect often (unless in sarcasm) when referring to what I write. I think as a writer I'm always looking to edit, fix, cut and paste, highlight...I'm an analytical person so I often wonder if poetry is even for me, seeing as though I don't often openly express my feelings. I always mask with sarcasm and humor. Folks fall for it every time...

A friend of mine I call Soul Brotha is disappointed with the turn my writing, or lack thereof, is taking. Even writing this is kind of grating on me and he knows that if a day comes when I don't feel like writing something off that needs to be on. I don't know how to turn it back on though, and that's where he and I differ; he wants me to just write and write until I feel better while I want to feel better before I write. Also, what's there to write about? My life is stagnant at the moment; all I have are thoughts and ideas that usually go nowhere and that I'm not sure translate well with words.

In any case, how are you guys? What do you do when you don't feel like doing what you always do?

XoXo