Friday, November 25, 2011

Musing 3...4? Probably 3...Right?

You feel how you allow yourself to feel...

It's a concept I hadn't really got a grasp on until recently, but now that I have, all the extra just doesn't matter as much. Come, walk with me for a second...

I'd been so messed up over this guy from a long time ago that it was keeping me from seeing the ones right in front of me. Why? Because I felt slighted. Because I felt cheated. Because I felt like that dude took most of what I loved about myself and used it to his advantage to make me feel stupid. That whole situation was almost a year ago, and it was still haunting every move I made.

Until one day I woke up and asked myself why did I feel that way now though? Why, if that one guy made a mistake, would I punish others who come after him, but moreover why punish myself anymore by buying into the notion that I was stupid, that I got cheated, or I got taken advantage of? If it were true (which, for clarity's sake, it isn't), it was true awhile ago and had no bearing on what I did now, not unless I let it.

I've learned to let go of a lot of things. Some people are just stuck in their ways, not knowing or caring how they treat you. Some people are just mean, others are just stupid, but their surliness and stupidity can't make you think less of yourself, or think that you aren't worth what you and God know you are.

Let them call you what they want to. Let them think of you what they will. But know this: it only matters if you make it matter. That's not to say you can't get up in your feelings about things but recognize how much about you it is, and how much about that other person's perception of you it is. If it's all you, then by all means, get emo. But if it's about them...let it be about them. Apologize for how they feel if you want to, but don't let them be a hindrance to you.

I used to think because of this one guy, I wasn't pretty. I wasn't as smart as I thought I was. Nobody wants a stupid, ugly chick right? I used to think, as a child, that I was bad for asking questions that nobody could answer. As a teen, I used to think it was wrong to have emotions. And now...I question everything, I feel everything, and I flaunt my curves. And I don't apologize for any of it. And what, son?

Let it go! Be happy! Be triumphant! Be loose? adventurous? you :)

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