I've never been the girl that had the boyfriends. No, I was the chick with the boy friends; those dudes who eat off her lunch tray, give her noogies and take her for piggy back rides like annoying older brother meets best friend. They liked me and I liked them; I wasn't complicated and I offered insight into the minds of young women and they, for what it's worth, did the same for me. Then one day, one boy changed that. First glance he was average, but as time went on I found him more and more complex and with those complexities the more beautiful he became. He was going to be the first boyfriend.
Soon I fell in love with the idea of making him uncomplicated not realizing the effect it would have on my own uncomplicated self. The more mysterious he became, the more of him I sought to find until his complexities had complicated me. His reasons for not doing things became my reasons for doing them. The further I wrapped myself in fixing him, the more damaged I became to the point where I didn't realize that I was being lead further and further away from my uncomplicated former self. I spent time trying to figure him out, like the hardest of Sudoku puzzles and just when I found some leeway he’d put up another puzzle. After figuring a few out, he dealt me a heavy-handed blow to the ego and heart; all that work I put in and he didn’t even want me.
For a week I was the most pitiful girl on the planet; rumpled tissues and a Heartache playlist made for a sorry sight if I must say so of myself. My friends were upset, my work slacked, and I found myself with a decision to make. Is this who I was going to be from now on, the chick chasing love and always getting burned? Would one confused dude affect the way I ran my life from now on? No and yes.
No, I was not going to be that girl torn apart by a broken heart to the point of being unrecognizable, but yes, I was gonna be that girl that lived and learned, the girl that decided to be more cautious with her heart.
Now, it's like a math problem (math is admittedly not one of my best subjects but here goes); A + B = C are the kind of equations I should seek. Easy to decipher, and super straight-forward; simplicity at its finest. What I shouldn't seek are the ones with lots of variables and hidden agendas such as 17xy +22x +9y =? because really, what do I get from that but a headache. So with love, just like with math, complex does not mean more interesting, all it means is more work and greater complications.