Saturday, March 3, 2012

Tes Does Not Like Waiting

I forget what I was dreaming about, or if I was dreaming at all. All I remember is a phrase repeating in my head over and over in my state of unconsciousness until it got so loud and big and full I couldn't sleep any more until I wrote it down. And so, in the middle of the night, in the dark with no glasses on I found a piece of paper, a pen and wrote a love poem. I hadn't written a love poem with someone in mind in so long it took me a while after laying back down to calm down that giddiness with not only writing, but with the feeling of writing for someone after so long with no one to really write for.

You see, I used to write love poems to get the lust out of me. Looking at me you wouldn't think I'm that kind of girl, but I totally can be. It's never something I talk about or that too many people know about me, as I tend to, when I like someone initially, side-step every innuendo and double entendre until it literally hurts to do so anymore and even then, I'll only slip in one or two before I rein in that piece of me and replace it with a gentler, sweeter part of me, something a little easier to handle. So the conundrum becomes denying a part of me it's time to shine until the right time. And to me, there's never a really right time for me to let that part of me out on someone.

You see, this guy I'm into, he's noticed it a little bit. Okay, maybe more than a little bit, but I'm not sure if he knows how much of it there actually is. And there's so much because there's never been someone like him in my life who has pretty much all there is to have to excite me; other guys have bits and pieces, maybe something quirky about them I'm into but they never made me feel anything one way or another. So all this pent up sensuality that's had nothing to do but stew and mold itself to my creative mind is finally thinking 'Maybe this one...?'

I'm not going to say it's just a sex thing, (because with me and my mind it's never just a "one function" sort of thought) but an overall want to be in this person's presence. To hold this person's hand. Lay across this person and watch tv. Kiss this person. It's the physical that I miss so much because it's the only thing I can't have right this moment. Everything else is lining up fine; we're getting to know each other and getting real comfortable with each other, albeit we haven't necessarily had a fight yet (which, I'm not sure why he's waiting for...) but regardless of the distance we're learning each other. Which is dope.

But sometimes a girl wants to be held at night. Sometimes a girl wants to snuggle up, or wrestle. Sometimes a girl wants that physical, palm to palm sort of closeness to mimic the closeness she already feels in her heart with a person. And that's where I'm at right now; craving the closeness. And like with a lot of the things I've been feeling lately, I'm thinking I'm not the only one.

The fact I've managed to tastefully say everything I've wanted to say is a feat in and of itself and at this point I think I can leave it as it is.

So what's a girl to do when she's missing something so trivially vital, something that most couples tend to neglect or not appreciate? Is there anyway to get over it or is it just a really mean waiting game?

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