Musing (4)

Beauty is defined as something that gives pleasures to the senses or is an exemplary example of it’s kind. I’ve been thinking a lot about beauty since that stranger told me I was beautiful; I wonder what it is that makes some people’s beauty so easy to distinguish and other’s so easy to extinguish.

 I was never the beautiful girl. High school was just me giving into feeling below average in baggy jeans and over-sized hoodies. I had braces, bad acne and even worse acne scars which I still have to this day, they just get fainter and fainter as time goes on. I wasn’t, however, a quiet girl. Very opinionated, and very head-strong, I would never back down from a debate, and would frequently tell people to move when they saw me coming. I was a plain-looking firecracker.

Now that the high school stage is over for the most part, I feel myself growing into this new person. I always felt I had to speak up to be seen and be cheeky to be noticed. However, now I find that my words and voice can be soft as long as what I say has meaning and has merit to me. There are days I don’t speak at all as sometimes there’s nothing to say or no need to say it. This person I’m becoming isn’t necessarily more muted, but rather cultivated by time and knowledge, joys and pains, to be a perfect amalgamation of what and who I was.

My friends always describe me as a pretty girl with an ugly girl complex. What they mean is that I look pretty, sometimes even gorgeous, but in my mind I’m seeing something different. I see fat, I see scars, I see stretch marks, and any compliment I get I deflect on the basis that “They’re just being polite.” Over time, and a lot of pep-talks, I’ve learned to look at myself as what I am, not what I was or want to be. What I am, actually, is quite beautiful, in a Russian doll sort of way. What I mean is, the bigger part of me is ornate and vivid, but the deeper you get, the smaller the pieces of me are, and the more intimate and personal, and ultimately stunning, they become until you’re left with my soul, which is the most beautiful of all.

How do you describe beauty? Is it something you can see or touch, or is it just a feeling that makes you think “wow, that’s beautiful?” Why do you think it takes so long to acknowledge what’s good in ourselves, especially when it seems so easy for most of us to acknowledge it in others?

Spreading love

Dropping Knowledge

Finding the beauty <3